“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”
I’m pretty sexy? Deciding how I want my life to be? Who I want to spend it with? Interesting concepts! A lot of the women I know are still trying to figure these things out– even the married ones!! It could be true, though. I know that after my breakup in March, I decided I was done with boys– that I needed to find myself– that I needed to be me before I could be me and someone else again. I can say that I have done a fairly decent job or trying to fix the broken things. Yes, including my heart. I’ve gained perspective on parts of my life I never thought I would have the ability to understand, let alone face. I have already stated that it’s going to take someone pretty damn awesome and amazing to convince me I want/need to go out with him as anything more than just friends. So, yeah, I guess I did learn from “Sex in the City” that I’m not the red-headed unwanted stepchild! I’m simply taking my time figuring stuff out!
Some of that stuff might include the fact that……
“I’m nice. I’m pretty, and smart! I’m a catch!” -Charlotte
At least that’s what I pay my therapist the big bucks to make me believe! He has sent me kicking and screaming all the way through trying to figure out why I’m OCD.. (I know, hard to imagine, but yes.. I am).. why I sabotage myself with regards to my health and weight loss… (no.. not me.. I’d NEVER do a thing like that!!).. why I don’t allow myself to take the GOOD opportunities that come my way, but am the first one to sign my name on the dotted line for the totally assinine ones… (hey, thanks.. I can hear you laughing in agreement from here, jackasses.) While it might have taken the effort equivalent to that of a lobotomy with a rusty nail and some cheap whiskey, I’ve ventured down the long-dreaded path of self-discovery, and, have come to the realization that I AM nice.. I AM pretty.. I AM smart.. and well, hell.. look at that.. I AM a catch! Now, if only I could use that rusty nail/cheap whiskey technique on some unsuspecting awesome man…….
Uh, what I mean is….
As I look back upon my previous relationships– mainly my ex-boyfriend and my ex-husband– I see a few things that I never noticed…
“Maybe I didn’t break Big. Maybe the problem was he couldn’t break me. Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.” –Carrie
I have always thought of myself as a ‘simple’ girl. And, in many aspects, I am. Ok, not simple as in I need a helmet and a drool bib… stop, that’s disrespectful. Sheesh. I mean ‘simple’ as in I do not like high-profile. I do not like fancy. I do not like glamour and fame. I like simple. I like my crappy house in the middle of a decent town. I like my busted van in the sense that it gets me where the children and I need to go. I like my silly 10 ft x 2 ft garden full of veggies (well, ok, this year, it’s weeds.) And, yes, as much as I might secretly (and not so secretly) voice my disdain for my employment, I actually enjoy my job and the people with whom I work. I would prefer a handful of dandelions to a huge bouquet of roses– IF the man picked those dandelions himself because he saw them and thought I’d find them beautiful. I’d prefer a cheap, hole-in-the-wall diner to some fancy 5-star restaurant. I’d prefer to lay on the beach together somewhere, then have some high-priced, fancy resort vacation. I’m simple…. Does that mean that I’m complacent? Does that mean I will take humdrum over exciting? Do being ‘simple’ mean that I have to be boring? NO! I still want excitement– I still want to feel needed.. and desired.. and that there’s someone out there that wants to be ‘simple’ with me. I guess that I’m looking NOT to be a cookie-cutter girlfriend/woman, but to be the crazy-obnoxious-confusing-girl-who-is-also-sweet-loving-physical-and-emotional girl, and, hopefully, find the man who wants to be just as crazy, obnoxious, confusing, sweet, loving, physical, and emotional with me. WITHOUT trying to change me…..
So, I guess, maybe, you could say that…
“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” –Carrie
Plain and simple. I. Want. Butterflies. I have lived nearly half of my life without butterflies…. I want the rest of my life to have them. Everyone should– men and women, alike. Butterflies are awesome. Not much else I can say about that.
“Forty is the last age a woman can be photographed in a wedding dress without the unintended Diane Arbus subtext” –Enid Frick
Ok, so, wow.. if this is true? I’m totally screwed. I am freshly 38, and well, the days are not going backwards!! I’m quickly approaching this 40 deadline. Do I take this to assume I’ll never remarry?? Or, does it simply mean that I will be wearing something like a bikini and a veil instead of a dress? Hmmm. I’m not so sure I like this little nugget of wisdom. As often as I have said I am giving up and not interested in a relationship— I don’t know— seeing that I may only have 2 good years left before I look like a fool walking down the aisle again?? It’s a scary concept… two years until I’m officially alone for the remainder of my existence. Yikes. I better do some more research on this one…
Which leads me to my last little token from “Sex in the City” ( there are many more, but most of them are NSFW.. haha!)
“The fact is, sometimes it’s hard to walk in a single women’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then – to make the walk a little more fun.” – Carrie
My ex-husband likes to harass me about the number of pairs of shoes I own. Well, I am going to chalk it up to this thing called life. I’m going to say that going from a married, mother-of-3 thirty-five year old to a now single, mother-of-3 thirty-eight year old has been quite challenging, and, therefore, I deserve each and every one of those pairs of sexy shoes, comfy shoes, running shoes, slippers, and flip-flops I have amassed of the years. Yes, I deserve them all.
Do you have any favorite quotes from T.V. shows or movies? I’d love to hear them!